Happy Monday!!!

Here's some stuff I'd written last saturday:

Well, the new me did a good thing. Actually, I did about four good things. And as a result of those four good things, I have one FANTASTIC result. I feel GREAT in a very complete way!
Let's just go through my day, and you'll understand.

1. I woke up this morning and cleaned my house. It always feels good to clean house, but this time was special. I re-organized my bedroom--my sanctuary--my haven from the world. It's been a mess since about January, when I got caught up in studying and work and life, and I was feeling the way my room was looking.

2. After cleaning up, I exercised. This week has been great. I got my 5 workouts in for the week, even though I had to double up on some days to get it in, I did it! I met my goal! I went for a 3 mile run (it was supposed to be a long slow run--about 2 hours, but after the first mile, I realized that a 2 hour run was not going to make me feel good). After the run, I came home for a bit, then headed off to our last game of church ball. Yes folks, I gave in and played, and it was a BLAST!!! Our team ROCKS! If only I hadn't missed about 3 games, we wouldn't have forfeited them, and we would be heading to regionals!! But alas, we came in 3rd in the stake, and the team we beat by over 20 points today is heading to the regional tournament. I think the rankings are fixed--the lady in charge of the stake is in the team we beat. It's at least suspicious...

3. I came home after the game, showered, and went to the temple. It's been more than 2 months since I last went because I got so caught up in life. Isn't that typical? I had been wondering why I was feeling so Blah lately, but as I walked into the temple, the feeling of serenity and content just overwhelmed me, and I felt peace. I've been needing that peace in my life lately (if you don't believe me, just read my previous blog entries). So those couple of hours really charged my batteries.

4. I communicated effectively!!!!! I think I'm most proud of that one because I used to have such a hard time communicating. This time, because of the anger I had been feeling lately (see previous blog entries), I needed to get it all resolved. So I just talked to all of the individuals involved, as well as a few extras, and I am now on great terms with the individual whom I had been extremely upset at. She was upset at me before, and so we just resolved all of our upset-ness, and now it's all good.

So I had an excellent day. I feel 400% better than I did when I woke up this morning!

So today was a bit stressful for a while because of work, but overall, after de-compressing a bit, I was relaxed and enjoyed the evening with the girls. After school we went to see "aquamarine" on Pualei's recommendation...it was definitely a kids show, and the girls LOVED it...don't know if I'd get it for them, it was a bit more mature than I'd like them to see, lots of boyfriends and jealous girls and stuff...

We came home and made a lazy dinner of spam and rice and eggs...I wasn't really feeling like putting together a hard-core meal, especially since we got home after 6.

Stuff is goin' pretty good. I went running this morning with a girl from my ward, just around the neighborhood so I wasn't gone long, but it was nice to run with a partner again, after so long...it's been over a year since I last trained with someone. Yeah, in-laws stop doing stuff with you when you're in the middle of a divorce. I might run a marathon in september with this girl from my ward. That would be fun!

Two and a half weeks until my first triathlon of the season!!!! I'm excited.

Anyways, time for bed.

Life is exhausting.

Less has definitely been more lately.

I think I'll try to live by that rule for a while.

I'm out.

Two-faced

It's funny how life throws things at you, sometimes as a warning of things to come...

This past weekend I was checking out my friend's blog, and it linked to her friend's blog. I found this friend's blog fascinating. Extremely introspective and intelectually stimulating. His topic that day was betrayal. Funny how listening to another person's experiences with betrayal can sometimes open up old wounds that haven't quite resolved themselves the way you'd thought they had.

I've experienced what I feel has been some pretty hard core betrayal. In fact, it was compounded by the fact that not only was one very significant person in my life involved, but he involved a number of people I trusted NOT to get involved. These people never should have gotten involved in the manner they did, but when they did, I was devastated.

It took me several months to start to work myself out of the huge mess and start to trust people, a few in particular.

I received another painful reminder that sometimes it can be a little too early to trust. Some people just don't deserve your trust no matter how much they talk and reassure you. Some people are only out for themselves. Some people will stab you in the back the moment they get a chance, just to try and get a step ahead. I have no desire to foster relationships with these types. I am tired of being hurt by people I trust. I guess you could call me bitter. I can handle that. But I honestly don't think that's the problem. Forgiveness doesn't involve forgetting. It involves letting go of the hard feelings. I forgot that whole concept. I had tried to forget the past wrongs in an effort to forgive. All it did is make me even more vulnerable to being taken advantage of by this person. Well, you can be sure I won't forget again. The reminders are far too painful.

Ok, that was a mouthful all at once. Well, suffice it to say, the blog on Betrayal ended up being prophetic in my life. What was interesting about that post in particular, was his comment that Betrayal only really hurts when it involves someone you love, someone you've trusted, someone you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable around. Yes, he hit the nail on the head with that one.